


It Lets You Know You're Still Alive

by everAcclimating



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2012-03-31
Packaged: 2017-11-02 19:05:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everAcclimating/pseuds/everAcclimating
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Azkaban changes a person, always for the worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Lets You Know You're Still Alive

Years in Azkaban can do nothing good for a person and they stay with you - Remus knows this, but knowing it and being constantly exposed to the lingering effects are two entirely different things.

Sirius isn't so gaunt anymore, isn't so waxy and death-like, but the fact that he looks polished and healthier is just that - looks. His expressions say haunted even now, eyes still hollow though he's as safe as one can possibly be in Grimmauld place.

Remus knows that Sirius hates it there, hates being cooped up again, but that isn't why he jumps at small noises and it isn't why he often - too often - wakes with a start and sometimes with a scream.

Sometimes late at night Sirius recoils from his side instinctively in his sleep, as though simple breath on his neck is enough to terrify him.

Remus doesn't ask, and Sirius never offers. He doesn't blame him.

Sometimes though, he urges closer - thin fingers tight on Remus' shoulders and lips near his ear while he tries to even out his breathing. He doesn't speak these times either, but he lets Remus' arms curl around him and he doesn't move but for leaning into any touches that come his way - the same way that a plant grows into the sun.

He only mentions it aloud once - 'I can still feel them,' and nothing else. It's never spoken of again.

Remus doesn't know which is worse, honestly - the fear or the desperation.

He welcomes any small progress, though - wider smiles, soft and light laughter, the ease in Sirius' expressions that Remus sometimes wondered if he'd ever see again.

Then one day Sirius curls against him and his fingers don't tremble when they thread through his hair and there's a smile on his lips when he kisses him and it's like a breath of fresh air in the horrible, dark house.

"I love you Moony, I really, truly do," he whispers against his mouth, with a hint of the young man he'd once been caught in the light in his eyes.

"I love you too, Padfoot," Remus murmurs in return, fingertips flat against his back and coursing his spine. He can't feel the bumps anymore, but he's not thinking about that when he kisses him again. "I always will."


End file.
